Heart to Heart

It has definitely been a long time since I have blogged. Tim's new schedule has him off at 8, and that leaves me just enough time to cook dinner after TJ goes to bed and then he is home. Then we eat, and hang out. It used to be that I would be by myself for a while, and I would have lots of "me" time. That is when I would write, read, search the internet and watch some TV. Now things are a lot different! So Tim went out with the boys, so that has allowed me to write a little bit.


TJ turned 11 months a few days ago. I can't figure out where the time has gone! Next month we will be celebrating his first birthday. I never thought I would be all about planning his birthday party... but it is in my blood, my mom and Aunt are big party planners!! And they are currently planning a big baby shower for my sister-in-law Erin. I am so sad I will miss it, but I had fun doing what little I could from so far away. So it surprised me when it hit 2011 and I was already thinking about the party. I really wasn't thinking "theme" or anything, just more what we would do, who would be there, type of stuff. So so far it is my mom, my dad, my nephew Jack, Tim's dad, Tim's stepmother, and his sister. I think that is a great turn out!! We are so lucky that so many people could make it. I am not going to invite his daycare friends to the party though, so it will just be family. We were thinking about inviting some of our friends since they are around TJ so much, but with so much family in town, just a family party will be better.


So I guess there really won't be a theme, since he doesn't watch any TV...besides an occasional peek at Mickey's Playhouse, but it doesn't really hold his interest. He would much rather be scooting around. TJ isn't exactly your traditional crawler. He likes to hold things in his hand, and you can't really do that while on all fours... so TJ butt scoots using one arm. It is quite silly, but he gets around really well and can bring things from place to place. As far as walking, we are getting pretty close which is scary. He is now standing and playing with things without holding himself up. Such a big boy. Not sure if he will be walking by his first birthday but I think it will be close.


After talking with friends who have babies, I realized that I have forgotten every hair pulling out, crying, wondering when will this ever end - moments of TJs early months. Some ask "was TJ like this" "what did you do when TJ did ____?" Really it is actually genius that we seem to forget all of those sleepless nights, worrying if he is ok feelings, thinking you are a bad mom, etc. Otherwise we wouldn't want #2. Here it is only 11 months later, and I am thinking "we could do it again, it wasn't that bad...was it?" But if I really sit down and think about it... It was the biggest and scariest emotional roller coaster ride ever. Why would I do that all over again? The answer is because TJ is the best thing that has happened to Tim and I, and it would be great to give him a sibling and to have another being to love.
I feel like I have in a way let my friends down. I wish I had had the guts to write down all those feelings I was having, regardless of how crazy they were at the time. Most importantly I wish that I had written down the struggles and how we adapted to what was going on. That way when/if my friends go through the same thing, they wouldn't feel so alone and I would maybe be able to help by saying what worked for us. Because honestly I did feel alone and now I can't remember what things helped. I don't know if it is my personality that I don't ask for help from people or don't want people to think that I can't handle things... but I really didn't ask for help, and didn't really have anyone to ask. I know some people may be saying..."You aren't the first woman to have a baby!" But for me it was pretty tough and I am sure it was for a lot of people, but do people really ever talk about it? I guess I may be being a little dramatic, because I of course had my terrific days/weeks and then months. I love my son, and I cherish every minute I get to spend with him... but the road to get to 11 months wasn't a perfect road. I could go on and list the struggles we went through and how we went about overcoming them, but that is the past. And now I am looking at my little premie turning 1 year old! I guess I just wanted to express that it wasn't easy for me, but it could have been a lot worse. He is just the sweetest little boy in the world and I am so thankful everyday that he is in our lives, and wouldn't change anything that we went through as a family.
So that ends my heart to heart.

We are all doing great here in Alabama. Just enjoying being a family.

TJ at 10 months by our tree

TJ torturing Mac...can you tell Mac loves it! Our dogs are SOOO good to him.

Traveling to California for Christmas.

Making sausage down at the old milk barn

The boys got tired of all the sausage making! So Jack took TJ for a stroll in the mud!

Christmas Eve at Great Grandma's.

Christmas present opening back in Alabama
I got a trike! Geese get out of my way!